Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Finding Love and Light Within

The façade is crumbling. The hollow resemblance of a happy woman with everything is slowly pealing away. Time began to erode the soul of an attractive, healthy, intelligent, compassionate and charismatic woman with a kind and generous heart. Her friends and acquaintances have nothing but nice things to say about her. She’s resourceful and funny, a great cook and organized and neat; the total package.
Then one day she realizes that her life is not in balance. She is a giving person and she does so easily, however, she feels that she does not receive as much as she gives. Often, when her friends, needed her, she’s right there offering whatever they need. But when the tables were turned, most times, they were busy with their husbands, kids and lives.
Understandably, she allows herself to be placed in the background, but as she runs out of energy it was not replenished. Now, she is disconnected from the light, the source. She feels alone, lonely and forgotten. The forgotten birthdays, the cancelled plans, the holidays alone and with no one that makes her a priority, her light begins to dim.
She can’t blame her friends or family. Life is life. They have their responsibilities and she has hers. Yet it hurts when she can respond when called upon and the reciprocity is shallow and minimal. Realizing their children, husbands, and lives, come first she tolerates the neglect. There is nothing left to give and she’s left feeling empty.
At an age where children are not an option and there are no marriage prospects, she feels unimportant. She knows there were those who loved her, but there is a need for a love that makes her feel she belongs.
Her body almost shuts down as she sinks deeper and deeper into sadness. She remembers just weeks ago, a friend’s baby was in the hospital and when she got the call arrived with support, and love. And when another friend was hospitalized for weeks she visited often bringing needed toiletries and helping when and wherever she could. As she lay in the hospital bed on Valentine’s Day, monitored and cold, she felt like a burden the friends who did come to her aide; her ex-husband who left work to rush her to the hospital and a girlfriend who sat at her bedside for hours. Still the fact that she almost bled to death did not warrant equal reciprocity. 
Upon review of her life and the people in it, she decides it’s time for a change. No longer will she accept being number two; the left over in people’s lives. She is special and desires to shower someone with all the love and attention she’s capable of and to receive just as much or even more.
She sees the beauty of a renewed soul and reconnects to the source that gives her life and light. Recharged, she can open herself up to finding that someone to share life with; one that mirrors her beauty, inside and out.


Jamie Saloff said...

It is not just those who are single who can feel this way, it happens too with those who have been married for years, have adult children, who lead busy lives. It happens with the elderly. It happens with teens. It happens with a young mother with a new baby. What I've come to see in my own life, is that these are transition times. They are the place just after what was and just before what will be. Author Carol Adrienne calls them "the void." In my life when I have gone through these periods, what comes after is something wonderful, fulfilling, awesomely life-expanding, and new.

Kat Smith said...

Yes, Jamie. As I work towards my doctorate, I process my behaviors in relating to others and find remnants of past hurts and disappointments that trigger reactions that are not in alignment with how I choose to love. Thank you ;-)