Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Settling or Settling Down?

With divorce rates climbing, many are deciding to marry at an older age and the ratio of men to women is increasing. The question comes to mind; WHO are marrying? Are those who are joining in matrimonial bliss settling down or just plain settling? Men and women haven’t necessarily improved their moral status’. As a matter of fact, we’ve gotten worse.

Ever wonder how a couple, who seems to be misfits, ever got together in the first place? He maybe a little scruffy and she well kept, or vice versa. We can entertain all sorts of conclusions, however, could it be that we have become a society that just wants or needs someone around, no matter what?

Dating or maintaining a relationship is difficult. I’ve dated across the spectrum; rich, poor, well traveled, country boy, fashion model, intellectual, blue collar and white collar. It doesn’t matter what walk of life someone may fall into, if you’re not compatible or considered number one in his/her book, then time to think, NEXT! 

Many of us will and have settled for being number two (cha cha, poo, manure).  But what it really comes down to is that we are allowing ourselves to be the one that will be eliminated, flushed. Nasty little thought, isn’t it? But think about it. If a man’s wife finds out he has another woman, he’ll probably explain away his tryst with something like ‘with her it was just about sex.” Or he will say that he doesn’t LOVE the other woman. And her response 95% of the time is to want to attack the woman for trying to steal her man. Never mind that he was the one to break the commitment of their marriage or relationship. Oft times, the other woman doesn’t even know the man is married. It is HIS dirty little secret.

You can reason as you may for being number two; he is good to you, the sex is great, he helps you financially, etcetera. But it only ends up with you feeling you’ve forfeited your pride, self worth and even feel you’ve lowered yourself to prostitution. 

This may be hard to swallow, but we prostitute ourselves in many ways. We trade sexual favors for gifts, money, and trade our souls to keep a job, a relationship and social status. Some even go so far as to blame it on their kids needing their father. Is it healthy for kids to see two people together but not loving to each other? They will only repeat the patters, relationship phobias and issues you set for them.

If we spent as much time playing games and trying to figure out the other one’s game strategy, and use that time to invest in choosing a mate by the quality of their character, we’d make better decisions about the people we end up with. What you feel about yourself, you project to others, so begin with yourself. Ask yourself what qualities you have to offer and what you seek in a companion. If you feel you need to work on yourself, do so, then go out there and radiate the new qualities you have and do not settle for just any ole Tom, Dick, or hairy Joe that hangs around.

Don’t settle. Settle the score and snuggle into a warm loving relationship where you’re number one to each other.